Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Retirement? Reshmirement

Last year I was forced to retire my favourite jeans. It truly was a heart breaker. This fall I took them out of retirement because I needed to have them in my life again. The reason is simple: I spend most of my life in work clothes looking a little on the asexual side. In November I was in my local coffee shop and some old fart actually thought I was a boy. I can't really blame him. I really do look boyish in my work clothes. But it hurt my feelings. Anyways, I decided to go home and put on the holy jeans. There is no way I can be mistaken for a boy in those jeans. As soon as I had them on I swear birds started singing, the clouds parted and the sun came out. Those jeans are magical and I am pretty sure they have super powers. I am going to continue wearing those jeans until they are just fibers hanging from my body.

Needless to say I have a few pieces of clothing in my repertoire (like the holy jeans) that I fall in love with and get bizarrely attached to. I have had a few plaid shirts that have had the same effect on me. In 2008 I realised I had the big 3. I gave them all names and in my mind they have reached Legendary Status.

Plaid Shirt 1: Paolo Nutini
Plaid Shirt 2: Ben Bruneau
Plaid Shirt 3: Jason Collett

Last year I gave Paolo to Hazzy because he looked sooooooooooooooooooooooo much hotter in it than I did (that was a hard pill to swallow but it was a fact). Ben Bruneau's still in England with half of my belongings. And I have to admit I really do miss those 2 foxes from time to time but they can't hold a candle to Plaid Shirt 3, Jason Collett. Jason Collett is by far the most beautiful and sexual shirt that I have ever seen. 70% of photo's of me I am wearing him. He is a light weight combed cotton with the traditional red and black lumber jack weave. My dad wore him in the 70's. My mom wore him in the 80's. He had a 10+ year holiday in the cupboard throughout the 90's and he has been my old reliable since 2007. I hate to admit it but he's getting old. I know the right thing to do is retire him. He is threadbare and every time I put him on now he rips a little bit. Mr. Collett is beginning to decline the same way my holy jeans did but retirement isn't an option. I don't even think I can swing a part-time position for him. I find it hard to not wear clothes when they make you feel so good, so powerful. So a Toast! To my wonderful threadbare clothes that rip and tear when I think about wearing them. I will never stop wearing you (unless I get arrested for public indecency) TCHIN TCHIN

No comments: